"Look Mitch, for the last time I'm not interested."
my gran, Ruby aged 92, lovely but joyless.

"S**t - I don't know what happened but I like it."
Brian Gilbert, Gilbert and Co. Christmas Party.

"This man should be locked away and the key thrown away."
Tom Wilcox, Brother in Law - and I hadn't done any magic yet.

"Book him - he's scary."
David Conn, MD Utopia Furniture Limited.

"My guests went crazy - apart from my wife he was the centre of attention - I had the chance to go for a pint."
Phil Tonks - on his wedding this year